A Loving Parents Complete Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder
During pregnancy, parents often dream of the endless laughs, smiles, and memories they’re soon going to be making with their new child.
They may sit back and think of who their little one will become, what their first day of kindergarten will feel like - or even go as far ahead as picturing them going off to college.
But what happens when our little bundle of joy is more a little bundle of anger?
What do we do as parents when the picture-perfect life we wanted for our family has now been torn apart by fights, tears, and defiance?
If you’ve recently had a child diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder - or you suspect that’s what’s going on, rest assured you’re not alone. This disorder can leave you feeling an empty shell of yourself after a long day of fighting the good fight.
Let’s talk about it.
What Is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a type of behavioural disorder that affects children, usually appearing before their 8th birthday.
Children who struggle with oppositional defiant disorder show a repeated pattern of behaviours, including disobedience, anger, and hostility towards authority figures. In addition, these children are unwilling to cooperate, become defiant quickly, are aggressive towards their peers, and have zero tolerance for anyone in command.
The disregard for authority often isn’t limited to the walls of their home. Children with ODD have a difficult time listening and obeying teachers, coaches, or any other adult. However, parents greatly bear the brunt of this behaviour.
Children with ODD cause more harm to others than themselves, as they have a hard time understanding how damaging their hostile behaviour really is.
How Do I Know If My Child Has Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
There are a few hallmark symptoms of a child struggling with ODD. Keep in mind, each child is unique and may exhibit some symptoms but not all. Other children may check off each and every box on the list.
In addition, these symptoms in your child must last at least 6 months to gain a formal diagnosis.
A few symptoms of ODD include:
● Angry / cranky mood
● Frequent temper tantrums
● Constant arguing with adults
● Refusing to do what an adult asks of them
● Refusal to follow rules
● Always questioning the rules
● Purposely doing things to annoy or upset those around them
● Blaming others for their mistakes or behaviours
● Being easily annoyed by others
● Speaking harshly or unkind
● Seeking revenge on others
The important thing to remember is while many children do exhibit these symptoms as a part of growing up, children with ODD experience them consistently and they often interfere with school or home life.
Why Do Some Kids Develop Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
As of now, researchers don’t know exactly what causes ODD in children. There are a few risk factors that can increase the chance of your child developing oppositional defiant disorder.
● Mood disorders: anxiety or depression
● Conduct disorder
● ADHD
● Chaotic home life
● Trauma at an early age
● Childhood maltreatment
● Inconsistent parenting
● Peer rejection
● Poverty
● Neighbourhood violence
● Unstable living conditions
● Exposure to abuse or neglect
While many environmental factors do play a large role, genetics have been linked to 50% of the development of ODD in children. A large number of children struggling with this disorder have family members with mood disorders or other mental health issues. Not only this, simply the way your child's brain functions, such as their temperament, can lead to the development of ODD.
How can I help my child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
So, what can you do as a parent to help your child living with ODD? The first step is educating yourself as much as possible on the disorder so you can spot symptoms of a meltdown before they arise, or so that you can learn to de-escalate a tense situation without needing to yell.
In addition, keep all appointments with your child's healthcare provider. This means putting your child's diagnosis at the forefront of your priorities. No matter how busy life gets, stay consistent in working towards helping your child. You don’t have to do this alone, there are medical professionals waiting to step in.
Secondly, keep track of your child's triggers and aim to reduce them as much as possible. No, this doesn’t mean you have to remove anything and everything that may cause them stress - but when you learn what triggers these behaviours the most, you’ll be able to avoid them when necessary.
Thirdly, try out a code word! I know this may seem silly but hear me out - sometimes the words NO and STOP can be the straw that broke the camel's back. Try working together to identify a fun word like ‘pineapple’ or ‘butterfly’ that can be a signal tensions are beginning to rise. Once this word is said all fighting and yelling needs to cease for a set amount of time while you and your child cool off.
Therapy For Oppositional Defiant Disorder:
If you’ve tried all the tips above and your child seems to be unresponsive to anything you do, you may need some outside help. This is completely normal to feel overwhelmed - this disorder is STRESSFUL and can make you question everything you thought you knew about parenting.
There are a few therapeutic options when it comes to oppositional defiant disorder:
● Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: This approach allows your child to sit down with a therapist and learn better ways to problem solve, communicate, and express their emotions. In addition, the therapist can identify any problematic behaviours and stop them in their tracks as they work together to redirect in more positive ways.
● Family Therapy: It’s likely your child's behaviour has caused many strained relationships, hurt feelings, and repressed emotions among the entire family unit. This type of therapy is excellent for making changes within the family unit. It aims to improve communication among everyone and takes both parent's and sibling's feelings towards the situation into account.
Take Care of Yourself, Too:
When it comes to children with oppositional defiant disorder you may feel your entire days are spent putting out fire after fire. This can cause you to put your own needs and desires on the back burner. While it’s important to keep your child's diagnosis a priority, don’t forget to take time for yourself, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Once you step back and take time to love and care for yourself, you will find you’re much more equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
Sources:
https://www.additudemag.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-discipline-rules-video/