The Psychology of Divorce

If you are like a majority of people, you may view divorce in a negative light. Whether you grew up in a divorced household or have friends who have gone through the process, it can leave a trail of destruction.

For many people, divorce is seen as a failure. It's the end of a relationship that was supposed to last forever. And when that relationship ends, it can be hard to see anything positive in the situation.

But divorce doesn't have to be a bad thing. In fact, for some people, it can be the start of a whole new chapter in their lives—a chapter filled with more freedom, happiness, and self-discovery than they ever could have imagined.

The negative stigma around divorce

Although divorce rates have been declining in recent years, the negative stigma around divorce is still very much alive and well. In western religious society, marriage is still seen as a sacred institution. And when marriages fail, it can often be seen as a personal failing on the part of both spouses. But that simply isn't the case.

 Divorce isn't necessarily a sign that something is wrong with you or your spouse. It's just a sign that your relationship has come to an end. And while that might not be what you planned or hoped for, it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

In fact, for many people, divorce can be the beginning of a whole new and exciting phase in their lives.

The effects of divorce on our well-being

No one gets married with the expectation of getting divorced. However, it’s an unfortunate conclusion for many. After spending years meshing your life with another, the act of separating can have an enormous impact on every area of your well-being. Don’t worry; these effects aren’t always negative! Let’s touch on a few.

New found Freedom

 While divorce might not be something you envisioned for yourself, it can actually offer you a lot of new opportunities and freedoms that you would never have had if you had stayed married.

For example, after getting divorced, you might find that you have more time for your hobbies and interests. You might also have more time to spend with your friends and family. And you might even find that you have more time for yourself!

In addition to giving you more free time, divorce can also give you an opportunity to rediscover who you are as an individual. When you're married, it's easy to get lost in your relationship and forget about your own wants and needs. But after getting divorced, you'll have a unique chance to focus on yourself again and figure out what it is that YOU want out of life.

Co-Parenting Children

Being a parent is hard enough, but being a parent after a divorce brings its own set of challenges. If you're in the process of getting a divorce or have already been through one, here are some tips to help make co-parenting after divorce a little easier: 

1. Talk to your ex-partner about your shared parenting goals. It's important that you and your ex-partner are on the same page when it comes to raising your children. Talk about your expectations for parenting time, discipline, and decision-making so that there are no surprises later on.

2. Be respectful of each other's time with the kids. Just because you're not together anymore doesn't mean that you shouldn't respect each other's time with the children. If you have joint custody, be flexible with your schedule and try to accommodate each other's parenting styles.

3. Put the kids first. Remember that even though you're divorced, your children still need both of their parents. Putting their needs above your own will go a long way in making co-parenting after divorce easier for everyone involved.

4. Communicate with each other regularly. Co-parenting after divorce requires good communication between both parents. Whether you use email, text, or phone calls, make sure that you're staying in touch so that you can coordinate schedules and make sure everyone is on the same page.

Grieving Your Marriage

Not all aspects of divorce are necessarily positive. Divorce is hard. You not only have to deal with the legalities of ending your marriage, but you also have to grapple with the emotional fallout. One of the hardest things to deal with is the sense of loss you feel. It's normal to mourn the end of your relationship, even if it wasn't a happy one.

Here are a few ways to cope with this difficult time:

1. Acknowledge your feelings:

The first step is to acknowledge how you're feeling. It's normal to feel sad, scared, and angry after a divorce. Don't try to bottle up your emotions; instead, allow yourself to experience them fully. Cry if you need to, punch a pillow if you're feeling angry, or talk to a friend if you're feeling lost. Just don't try to act like everything is okay when it's not.

2. Give yourself time to grieve:

Just like with any other loss, it's important to give yourself time to grieve after a divorce. This doesn't mean wallowing in your sadness for months on end; rather, it means allowing yourself to feel sad when you need to and then moving on when you're ready. Grieving is a process, so be patient with yourself.

3. Find a support system:

One of the best ways to cope with loss is to find a support system of friends or family members who can help you through this tough time. Talk to them about how you're feeling and lean on them for support when you need it most. It's also a good idea to seek out professional help if you're struggling to cope; a therapist can provide valuable guidance and support as you navigate this difficult period in your life.

Can marriage counselling save a relationship?

The short answer? Yes. However, both partners need to be on the same page and willing to attend with an open mind.

The first step in attending marriage counseling is admitting that there are problems in the relationship. This can be a difficult pill for some couples to swallow, but it's an important first step.

Once you've found a therapist, they will help you and your partner identify the root causes of the problems in your relationship.

From there, you'll work together to find solutions that work for both of you. Attending marriage counselling takes effort and commitment from both partners, but it can be incredibly worthwhile.

How to reduce the stigma to encourage men into counselling

It's no secret that many men are reluctant to go to counselling, especially when they are the ones who are struggling. They may not want to talk about their feelings or they may feel like they can't admit they need help. If your husband is going through a tough time and you're trying to get him to go to counselling, here are a few tips that may help:

1. Talk about how counselling has helped you in the past. If your husband knows that you've been to counseling and it's helped you, he may be more open to the idea of going himself. Tell him how it's helped you deal with your own depression and anxiety and how it's improved your marriage.

2. Explain that counselling is confidential. Sometimes men are hesitant to go to counselling because they don't want anyone to know about their struggles. remind him that everything said in counselling is confidential between him and the counsellor and that no one else will know what he talks about unless he chooses to tell them.

3. Let him know that you're there for him. It's important for your husband to know that you're supportive of his decision to go to counselling and that you'll be there for him every step of the way. let him know that you love him and you want to help him get through this tough time.