Toxic Relationships
Relationships are truly a wonderful source of companionship and support. They make the successes of life a little sweeter with the knowledge that you have someone to share them with at the end of the day. Relationships are all of this and more—until they aren’t. Have you ever contemplated why so many relationships, romantic or otherwise, turn sour? Could it be the reluctance to firstly accept that they've run their course, and then the avoidance of the word ‘toxic’ altogether?
What is a toxic relationship?
You must have heard these two terms thrown together in a variety of situations by individuals who might be, through self-proclamation, experts in gauging the complexion of any relationship. But regardless of what you’ve been fed, you should know that not every negative emotion or unpleasant experience indicates a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships are characterised by imbalance. Be it the effort invested by those involved, or the weight of commitment associated with the relationship as a whole; a relationship, friendship, or association is toxic when one side is holding on a little too tight, while the other observes the bare minimum, or maybe even below it.
In short, if you’re being kept from being your authentic self, and trimming yourself to fit into someone else’s frame, rest assured that you’re either in a toxic relationship, or in a relationship that is very well on its way to becoming one.
What are the signs you should be mindful of?
While you roughly know the highs and lows that make up a toxic relationship, here are some pointers that can help make the recognition process easier:
You’re emotionally drained: While you might have been conditioned to believe that acting upon emotions is not a wise idea, using emotions as your informational highway can help you gauge a situation better than you can imagine. Simply evaluating how you feel about a relationship says much more about it than your mind ever will.
You’re living a pretence: A good question to ask yourself in the context of a relationship is whether you’re able to be your authentic self without hesitation or fear. A toxic relationship doesn’t allow room for personal liberty.
Pay attention to the hunches: When the contours of right and wrong seem blurry, trust your intuition to make the decision for you. Much like considering your feelings about a certain situation, letting your intuition take control is the best way to determine whether the make of a relationship sits right with you, or if it doesn't.
How do toxic relationships affect your mental health?
It’s inevitable that something that causes you any level of perturbation is chipping away at your mental health in one way or another. Are you frequenting a relationship at the expense of your mental health? Here’s what you should know:
Your self-esteem is going to take an alarming plunge: While realising this might be gradual, you'll eventually find that caging your authentic self to remain adhered to someone else is going to diminish your self-worth considerably. Low self-esteem in itself is highly co-morbid with many mental ailments.
Stress will become a constant state of mind: The stress you experience while dealing with the disrespect, agony, and worthlessness that comes from toxic relationships will affect your mind and body equally. Stress is strongly associated with a reduced lifespan; this quickly translates to the fact that your toxic relationship might even be fatal.
Paranoia might seep in as an unwelcome guest: The lingering worry, anxiety, and questions of self-worth are very much a strong recipe for paranoia. You might catch yourself in the middle of absurd thoughts more often than not, and that says a lot about how that toxic relationship is affecting your mental health.
The impending question: how do I exit a toxic relationship?
Before all else, the acceptance that a relationship is toxic and needs to be abandoned is eminent to proceed further into the act of severing ties with what is damaging you. While the true act of leaving is up to you, here are some ways you can ease the process:
Invest time, care, and value into yourself: Think of this as a compensatory act for all the worth and esteem that has been drained from you. Recharge all these virtues how you find best; whether this means spending more time with yourself or surrounding yourself with support, opt for it.
Wrap your arms around change: As human beings, the prospect of stepping out of what is familiar to us is nothing less than agony. But changing this perspective to fit the consideration of all the opportunities that change can invite is a good way to see beyond a toxic relationship.
Grant yourself honesty: Just as denial regarding the toxicity of a relationship is harmful, being dishonest to yourself about how you feel is equally damaging. Acknowledge and embrace the feelings that come in waves, no matter how overwhelming.
